Have you ever seen a show like Dr. Phil or other programs where a family is dealing with an at-risk child that constantly disrespects their parents and has problems at school? The one thing that seems consistent is that the parent(s) seem to fight with them, and then allow the child to continue to have the same freedoms that caused the inappropriate behavior in the first place. The debate or question that typically comes up in a situation like this is should parents be their child’s best friend or should there be a separation between being the parent and being the friend?
In this blog, I would like to tell you what I’ve experienced as a principal with parents being their child's friend. No matter what an unruly child is diagnosed with, I do believe the way a parent raises a child plays a huge role in their behavior. It seems as though many parents today have a tendency to shower their children with just about everything without teaching them the true meaning of working and earning money. I believe children get spoiled due to the fact that some parents don’t want their children to experience the same bad experiences they may have had as a youth. I do understand wanting to make sure your child will always have the best support system and a comfortable lifestyle. However giving children things all the time can give them a mentality of entitlement. Most children with a mentality that they don’t have to work or earn anything will struggle in the "real world" when they become an adult. A simple practice to help your child become more responsible is to give them chores and an allowance. And while you’re at it, teach them about saving. Many of our young men and women with jobs earn a check and spend 90% of it on things they really don’t need. Teaching how to save may be boring to them but teens NEED STRUCTURE! This part of parenting is much more important than being a friend.
On the other hand there's actually a time when you can also be a friend to your children. According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of friend has several meanings: 1. One attached to another by affection or esteem, 2. Acquaintance 3.One that is not hostile 4. One that is of the same nation, party, or group 5. One that favors or promotes something (as a charity) 6. A favored companion. What parent wouldn’t want to be all of these things to their child? You should by definition be your child’s friend along with being the parent. I believe the advantage of being your child's friend is it will allow you to keep the lines of communication open with them. As a parent, you don’t want to be in a position where your child isn’t comfortable talking to you about their lives, especially concerning personal things. Teens need parents to be someone that they can look up to and give advice.They aren’t emotionally prepared to make certain decisions and need guidelines. That’s why they’re kids! If you don't have a connection to communicate with them, they will turn to their peers for advice. This is truly an example of the blind leading the blind into a ditch!
Many parent want to be their child's best friend so much that they're afraid to tell them "no". Giving them everything they want when they want is not helping them. Step up and don’t be afraid to tell them "no" sometimes. They may cry and have a temper but you will save them a lot of grief later in life. Children that get their way all the time at home will have problems when they have to function in places such as schools and places of employment. Discipline them early in life so that their boss or teacher won’t have to. I’ve dealt with parents that don’t understand why their children are unruly and can’t seem to respect their teachers. How in the world can parents expect their children to respect others when the parents themselves are not being respected by the children? You will save your child suspension days, jail time, and even death by saying "no" sometimes.
Finally we can see that my answer to the question to be or not to be your child’s friend is yes, as long as you’re being the parent FIRST. You can be your child's friend with the goal of keeping the lines of communication open in order to know what’s going on in their world. Also you should always know when to say "no" to them no matter how they react. Remember that you’re the boss and they will thank you later for standing your ground.
Jesse Duckworth
No comments:
Post a Comment